HOW GREAT THOU ART
By Alex Lindstrom
I feel my Savior’s love in all the world around me, His spirit warms my soul through everything I see…[1]
Several years ago, my family ran a relay race at Crystal Mountain Resort near Mount Ranier in Washington State, USA. When I say “run,” I mean anything from running, waddling, hiking, walking, shuffling or letting other family members take our leg of the race. In other words, we’re not all accomplished runners.
I knew Mount Rainier was nearby since I saw its looming presence as we were driving toward the mountains from Seattle. However, at the ski resort itself, I did not know where it was, as the resort was in a neighboring valley. One of the transfer points was at the top of a ski lift. We were on our way up the lift for the first time to wish one of our siblings well on the “long leg” (thankfully downhill, but treacherously so). When our car reached the top of the mountain, I saw it. I was stunned by how suddenly it came into view; the snowcapped stratovolcano Rainier dwarfed all nearby mountains. I was struck with amazement that words so often fail to describe.
This exhilarating feeling reminds me of how thankful I am for God’s creation. Now, I don’t know if I can say that I’m thankful for the destruction that such a volcano can cause, nevertheless I stand in awe at the powerful force of nature, and the role it plays in the natural world. For now, with its glistening ice and snow, it towers over thick forests of evergreens, produces bodies of water, and provides an incomparable backdrop for mountain resorts, neighborhoods and cities.
I haven’t been all over the world (yet), but I’ve had similar feelings about other areas of the natural world, from the red rocks of the southwestern United States and the forests of Yellowstone, to islands in the tropics and the Alps in Europe. I am thankful for the beauty that surrounds me, and that I have the opportunity to be a part of it. Next to the temple and special experiences among gatherings of Latter-day Saints, nature hits pretty close to home when it comes to connecting with God.
I am also thankful for many other things, including things relating to my same-sex attraction. I am thankful for my personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I am thankful that I am never beyond the reach of His love and grace. I’m thankful for the doctrine on the family and for my little slice of understanding about the Plan of Salvation and the blessings of eternity. I am very much still learning about all of this. I’m still learning about my own sexuality.
As with the earth, which God created, He also created me, and He created fellow human beings. I am thankful for my body and all it can do. We, as well as all other organisms of the earth, have been given an amazing ability to reproduce and perpetuate life. There have been times where I’ve felt shame in relation to sexual feelings, let alone experiencing those feelings for other men.
This, however, was partially put to rest during a rather straight-forward talk about sexuality and pornography, given by a former General Relief Society counselor, Linda S. Reeves. Before expressing her concerns, she said, “These God-given feelings help us want to marry and have children. The intimate marriage relationship between a man and a woman that brings children into mortality is also meant to be a beautiful, loving experience that binds together two devoted hearts, unites both spirit and body, and brings a fulness of joy and happiness as we learn to put each other first”[2]
Obviously, this can feel a little more complicated when comes to same-sex attraction, but my perspective has changed as I’ve started to more fully acknowledge the reality that the sex drive is “God-given.” I marvel at this aspect of creation and how sacred and beautiful it is that a man and a woman can come together and, with God, create new life.
It has been all too easy for me to view my same-sex attraction as evil or at least something other than “God-given.” However, as I have sought the counsel of the Savior, I’ve started to shift my thinking towards gratitude. This includes gratitude for my attractions. In a world that celebrates unrighteous uses of sexual expression, it can be tedious to accurately describe what I mean when I say that I’m thankful to “be gay,” but it’s unfortunately necessary because in this environment it’s easily misunderstood.
Inviting God into the Picture. In moments that can easily turn to lust or a negative view of myself and my feelings, I can invite God into the picture and see what He thinks. His perspective is healthier and a lot less negative. He helps me acknowledge my fellow brothers as His creation. They are beautiful. Just like I can express gratitude to God for a breathtaking landscape, I can also express gratitude for the men around me and their many attributes, both inside and out. I can sense an extension of God’s love for them. I can use this perspective in my efforts to minister to and love others.
Being Grateful for Feelings. I’m grateful for the ability to feel. I’m learning that my sexuality is part of my overall emotional being. To stifle it, ignore it, or to use it outside the bounds the Lord has set can stunt other feelings and limit the clarity I receive from the Spirit. Again, this is something I’m still learning about. I do not know what is in store for me in the future. Nevertheless, for now, I’m thankful for the energy my sexuality gives me. It lies behind motivation to care for myself, to exercise, and to form healthy connections with others. It’s a part of being human, and I’m thankful for it.
Music as a Conduit for the Spirit. Finally, I am thankful for music. God speaks to me through hymns, other inspirational music, and even film scores. When I was in the midst of the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina, attending a retreat for men from several Christian backgrounds seeking to reconcile their same-sex attraction with their faith, I was introduced to a popular song by Christian musician and pastor, Cory Asbury. It reminds me of the incomprehensible love that Heavenly Father shows me through His church, through His hand in the natural world, and through my journey with Him on the covenant path.
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God.
Oh, it chases me down, fights till I’m found, leave the ninety-nine
I couldn’t earn it, I don’t deserve, still, you give yourself away
Oh, the overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love of God [3]
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[1] Children’s Songbook pg. 74
[2] “Protection from Pornography, a Christ-Focused Home,” Linda S. Reeves, April 2014